i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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