I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
