Ambien. No doubt about it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize