Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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