these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize