It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
