I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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