Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
