So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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