Welp...herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
