Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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