i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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