dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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