I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
