So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
