Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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