My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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