I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
