dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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