he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
