I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
