he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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