I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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