My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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