Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
