the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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