I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
