I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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