u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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