She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
