Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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