remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
