just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize