i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
