you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
