I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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