Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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