dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
