hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seem to have left my pride at pride
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
