remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
