I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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