My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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