It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
