Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
