ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
