Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
