New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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