K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
