names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
