ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
