I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
