She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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