i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
