i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He shit in the fireplace
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
