you traded sex for a burrito?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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