Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
