I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
