I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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