someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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