WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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