people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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