i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
