dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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