Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
