I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
