So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
