wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
